Escape From Poo Poo Island

Jan 2nd-7th

We spent New Years day lounging at the Holiday Inn's pool and by the day's end I thought I may have gotten a mild case of heat stroke. By the time Amina, Josh, Yemina and I finished dinner, I had a mild fever and generally didn't feel very well.

The next day my fever was still there and I thought I could just wait it out. Amina and I were parting ways with Yemina and Josh, who would be staying in Krabi, while we were going to some of the Andaman Sea's idyllic islands.

Our first stop was Koh Phi Phi whose claim to fame stems from its appearance in Leonardo Dicaprio's 1999 film "The Beach".

Although it was badly damaged in 2004's deadly tsunami, it still retains most of its original, unparalleled beauty. This beauty combined with worldwide exposure from the film has led Koh Phi Phi to become one of the Andaman coast's biggest party islands.

Unfortunately, like anyone who parties excessively, eventually it starts to catch up to them. Koh Phi Phi is a small island, but it now houses innumerable guesthouses, hotels, restaurants and bars; along with thousands of people, making it feel rather congested and overrun.

Amina and I managed to find a private room at Harmony House despite accommodations being absolutely impossible to find online.

We dropped off our stuff and checked out the nearest beach, Ao Lo Dalam. While pretty crowded, the beach was still quite nice and not too dirty. The water, however, seemed to have some sort of shit-like sediment in it that made it less than inviting. Wait, this will be a common theme.

(Photo Credit: Amina Qureshi)

The next day we hung out at the beach during the day and checked out a hilarious bar that gives free buckets to westerners who fight each other in a Muay Thai ring. Most of the participants are drunk Brits or Australians, and it seemed that some guys actually knew what they were doing and ended up injuring their opponents to the delight of those watching in the crowd. Hey, at least the loser still gets a bucket! (Even if they're already 2 for 1!)

The next day I had signed up to go diving with Hippo Divers (http://www.hippodivers-phiphi.com) and would do two dives around Koh Phi Phi Leh, home to the bay that Leo made famous.

In fact, during the day's diving we stopped there for lunch. There were so many tourist boats on the small strip of sand that I struggled to even see it until one of the dive masters pointed it out to me.

Koh Phi Phi Leh is known for its leopard and reef sharks, but of course they didn't show up during my dives! At least I saw three big turtles on my second dive.

The fever that I had when I arrived on Koh Phi Phi had never really subsided. In fact, on my dive trip (luckily not when I was actually diving), my stomach also started acting up. By the next day I was pretty much confined to the room and more specifically the ensuite bathroom.

At a certain point I realized that this wasn't just food poisoning and I went to go see a doctor. He said I either had an intestinal infection or malaria. For once I was hoping for an intestinal infection!

I had to go see him a few days later because it wasn't improving and my fever was still quite high, but fortunately the antibiotics started to kick in after 3 days.

During all this, Amina was being an absolute saint: getting me food, keeping me hydrated and being more attentive than I deserved.

(Photo Credit: Amina Qureshi)

Despite my explosive bowels, we still managed to meet up with Remi and Elena who were staying on Hat Yao beach and see them off before they headed back to Bangkok for their flight home.

We had only initially intended on staying on Koh Phi Phi for three nights, but ended up staying six because of my incapacitated state.

On our final day, I finally had enough strength and sphincter control to go to Koh Phi Phi's gorgeous viewpoint.

It had been my goal since our arrival on the island and it was well worth it.

Although the climb was rather short, it was still quite strenuous.

Once on top we were treated to a stunning view of Koh Phi Phi Don and its two bays; tree-covered hills and jagged karst peaks.

A nice finale to my shitty week on Koh poo poo, and we couldn't have been happier to get the hell out of there!

A Holiday Season to Remember Part II: Full Moons and Soaking Bottoms

Dec 27th-Jan 1st

We had an AirAsia flight to catch at 6:50 am and had to be at the airport two hours earlier. I took it upon myself to pull an all-nighter and wake everyone up. Despite the fact that Josh overslept his alarm as usual, the four of us still made our flight to Nakhon Si Thammarat. From there we had a shuttle bus which brought us to the Donsak ferry terminal headed for Koh Pha Ngan.

As opposed to our first Full Moon Party, we decided to stay in Thong Sala rather than the cesspool which was Haad Rin.

Thong Sala is the main town on Koh Pha Ngan and ideally located between Haad Rin and the beautiful north-western beaches.

We finally arrived in Thong Sala as the sun was beginning to set. It was just a short walk until we reached our wonderful French-run guesthouse called 4U (www.4uthailand.com).

We decided to take it easy that night considering the calamity which would be unfolding the following night.

Many people came to Haad Rin for a Christmas to New Years binge and this Full Moon Party would mark the halfway point of this annual, weeklong shit-show.

Prior to the party, the four of us headed to Haad Yao beach for some calm before the impending storm.

(Photo Credit: Amina Qureshi)

Haad Yao was just as relaxing as the time I visited it with Bryan and Rich albeit with more people.

After a day in the sun, we started mentally preparing for that night's bash. Josh and I still had our singlets from the previous Full Moon Party and we advised Amina and Yemina to wear something they wouldn't mind getting dirty.

(Photo Credit: Amina Qureshi) 

We then took a tuk tuk towards Haad Rin and before long it was blatantly apparent how many more people were at this party than the last.

We headed to Om Ganesh hostel to use some of their body paint, but it had already been used up. We bought a consolatory bucket and made our way to sunrise beach.

The constant flow of bros and bimbos was staggering. The four of us stayed close because there were thousands of people even on the streets leading up to the infamous beach.

We had to snake our way through thousands of people gathered around Cactus Bar (the bar we went to during the last Full Moon Party and where the two Thais killed each other), before getting a good view of the actual beach.

If I estimated the last Full Moon Party to host 15 thousand party-goers, this one had triple that number at the very least. Thankfully there were still pockets of less-occupied beach where we could express our joy through the art of dance.

(Photo Credit: Amina Qureshi)

We spent the rest of the night sharing buckets and dancing the night away.

(Photo Credit: Amina Qureshi)

The following day, Amina and I went to enjoy a relaxing day at Hat Salad. While this might sound like a bizarre culinary concoction, it is actually one of the nicest beaches on the west coast and is just another 15-minutes north of Haad Yao.

It was fantastic to spend the day together on such a pretty, serene beach.

Pure bliss.

(Photo Credit: Amina Qureshi)

We now had just a few days before New Years eve and needed to make our way to Krabi, where we would be ringing in the new year.

The four of us took a ferry to Surat Thani and then a bus to Krabi Town. We then got a minibus to Ao Nang, the area of Krabi we would be staying in.

Amina's dad had been so kind as to book her 3 nights at the Holiday Inn as a birthday gift and I got to tag along!

Ao Nang is a reasonably well-established beach-town west of Krabi Town. It comprises mostly mid-range to higher-end hotels and guesthouses and as a consequence lacks the backpacker vibe that we had felt in Koh Pha-Ngan.

Even the beach itself, while nice, was far from anything special and as a consequence, we just hung out by the Holiday Inn's pool.

New Years Eve was now upon us and we wanted to party it up in style. We decided to head to nearby Railey Beach for the evening's festivities.

I donned my best shirt and jeans and Amina wore a lovely dress. When we met up with Josh and Yemina. Josh was wearing shorts and a t-shirt but felt underdressed so he went back to change into jeans.

(Photo Credit: Amina Qureshi)

Railey is only accessible by boat from Ao Nang. Because of the full moon, the tidal changes were ridiculous and we would have to walk out quite far to reach a waiting boat.

The ground seemed relatively solid, so we started walking out to the boat. A few steps in, my shoe sunk into a soft spot and was now caked in mud. I took off my shoes and rolled up my jeans hoping that the worst was over.

As we neared the boat, the water was deeper and deeper, already above our rolled-up jeans. By the time we were next to the boat, the waves were coming in so high that I had to lift my shirt up so it would avoid being soaked. Good thing Josh changed into jeans!

Amina was struggling to get up the ladder of the boat and I was furious that my jeans and underwear were completely soaked along with my shoes caked in mud, so rather than helping her, I yelled for her to hurry up.

I climbed onto the boat and was absolutely livid that I was beyond soaked even before we started our night!

This would be a long one.

When we arrived at Railey Beach, I had taken off my clothes (except for my underwear) to prevent it from getting any wetter than it already was.

There was a New Years party charging almost 300$ per head going on and I walked right through it wearing nothing but my boxers to the bewilderment of the party's guests and the amusement of Amina and Yemina.

(Photo Credit: Amina Qureshi)

Josh and I found a shop selling some loose fitting pants and some flip-flops, and we bought pretty much whatever fit.

The nice woman at the front desk let us put our shoes and soaking clothes behind her desk.

Now that I had dry clothes I could finally relax, decrease my fury and start enjoying my night.

(Photo Credit: Amina Qureshi)

We had a simple dinner and the coffee made by Pinu, a man gifted in the art of barista, but cursed with the laugh of a high-pitched hyena. We then went to Last Bar on Railey's east coast, our venue for the countdown.

(Photo Credit: Amina Qureshi)

Last Bar had everything we could have asked for for a New Years party: good music, a dance floor, affordable drinks, fire shows, pool tables and shisha.

(Photo Credit: Amina Qureshi)

Despite the wet beginnings, we all had a fantastic time.

(Photo Credit: Amina Qureshi)

On our boat ride back to Ao Nang, not only did we not get wet but we were all glad that Josh had not opted to go commando like I did because by the end of the night, his brand new pants were crotch-less.

Definitely a New Years the four of us won't soon forget!

A Holiday Season to Remember Part I: All the Creatures were Stirring,Except a Mouse

Dec 24th-26th

Amina and my 15-hour train to Chiang Mai was an exercise in self control and endurance. The incredibly bumpy ride and noises emanating through the open windows all night long made the eve of Amina's birthday one she will surely not forget. I, on the other hand, took some sleeping pills and was unconscious and oblivious to her horrible night, and to most of the turbulence on that rickety train.

Elena and Remi had flown to Chiang Mai, so they arrived before us and had arranged a trip to Tiger Kingdom.

Tiger Kingdom is one of Chiang Mai's biggest draws: part sanctuary, zoo and conservation effort all in one. Their main goal is to expose people to tigers and to preserve their dwindling global numbers.

Upon our hour-late arrival, the four of us took a tuk tuk to Tiger Kingdom and enjoyed watching some hilarious Asian tourists trying to stand inside plastic orbs floating on a small pond.

Once our group number was called, we went into the tiger enclosure and followed an usher to the adult tigers.

Entrance is free, but to enter the various enclosures it costs a fee depending on which age group you visit. We had bought a ticket to see the big and small tigers, deciding to skip the cubs because they were only slightly smaller than the ones we would visit.

Like most adult cats, tigers are incredibly lazy and lethargic. They were docile enough that you could approach them from behind and pet them, lie on them and take some great photos with them.

The tigers who seemed more agitated or uninterested in having people touch or lie on them, were left alone to the benefit and lives of the visitors.

Many people often say that these tiger parks are rife with mistreatment of the animals and that they drug them into domestication.

While this could be true at other animal sanctuaries and tiger parks, I felt that due to the playfulness of the young tigers; disinterest of some of the older ones; and the sexual agressivity of those who were caged and wanted to mate; were telltale signs of natural, undrugged behavior. But hey, I'm not a tiger expert so I could be wrong.

After spending half an hour with the adult tigers, we went to visit the juveniles.

These little (comparatively speaking to their giant parents) guys were just as curious and playful as kittens. The trainers would tease them and get them to jump for our amusement. Once again we got to spend quite some time with these beautiful animals.

Later that evening we went to Riverside Bar and Restaurant to celebrate Amina's birthday with some good food and some Thai whiskey.

The following day, the four of us were slated to ride Asian elephants with Eddy Chiang Mai Elephant Care (www.chiangmaielephantcare.com).

Amina wasn't feeling very well that morning and decided she would go see a doctor instead. I selfishly decided to go ride elephants rather than accompany her to the doctor's.

I know. I'm a dick.

Elena, Remi and I were driven to a market where we had to buy bananas and sugar cane for our elephants.

From there, we were driven a few hours into the countryside to Eddy's. Once there, we changed into matching purple outfits and were taught how to ride them and the basics of the language of the elephants developed by several generations of Thai elephant trainers. Some examples were:

- Hu Hu! (Go forward)
- How! (Stop)
- Melong (Sit down)

Elena seemed to be a natural: yelling commands and riding around like a female Hannibal of Carthage might have.

I, not being too keen or comfortable with animals to begin with, chose one of the smallest elephants to train on because if they hated me and through me off, I would have the least distance to fall.

I somehow managed to survive the training, but as luck would have it, I jumped off the elephant and I landed on a piece of metal and cut my toe open. Only me.

After having lunch and disinfecting the wound, we commenced our jungle trek.

Elena was at the helm of the elephant while Remi appeared to cling on for dear life on its back.

I rode on the neck of mine, just behind the ears and had a guide on its back.
Even though it may have been more badass to command an Asian elephant myself, I'm not too proud to admit that I was happy to have an actual guide do his thing.

Out of all the animals I've ridden (horse, donkey and camel), I have to say that an elephant was the most comfortable.

We had chosen our company based on the fact that they didn't use saddles or carriages, which apparently hurts the elephant, so it was nice to be in direct contact with such a gentle giant.

After our trek through the bush, our elephants walked down a small river and as soon as the guides helped everyone down, the elephants started to spray themselves and everyone around them, tourists included.

We were then given brushes so we could scrub them down and thank them for the great experience.

It was an amazing experience, especially on Christmas day, I just wish Amina would have been there to enjoy it with me.

Once we returned, Elena treated Amina to a luxurious spa treatment as a birthday gift. After the ladies got back, the four of us had a delicious northern Thai meal at Heuan Phen restaurant.

The rest of the evening was spent at a reggae bar and then playing drinking games at our lovely hostel, Gong Kaew Huen Kum (www.gongkaewchiangmai.com).

Although Amina and I had only been in Chiang Mai one-and-a-half days, it was already time for us to return to Bangkok to meet up with Yemina and Josh, to head to Koh Pha-Ngan for December's Full Moon Party: arguably the biggest and best of the entire year.

After yet another tediously long train ride, Amina and I made it back to Bangkok in time to meet up with Josh and Yemina at Sirocco Sky Bar for some astounding 360-degree views of this bustling, chaotic city and some astronomically expensive cocktails. This rooftop bar is the same one featured in the Hangover 2 and if you've seen the movie, the view is absolutely spectacular.

(Photo Credit: Amina Qureshi)

Full moon round 2? How could we say no?

James and Amina's Fantastic Bangkok Tourism Bonanza

Dec 19th-23rd

My time in Koh Tao had expired and it was time to return to Bangkok to welcome my girlfriend-at-the-time, Amina, to Thailand.

(Photo Credit: Amina Qureshi)

I had booked a decrepit night-boat to Chumpon which arrived at 4:30 am. From there I took a series of minibuses which eventually dropped me off at Bangkok's distant southern bus station.

I shared a taxi with a girl from France to the Silom district where Amina and I would be staying.

Josh would be staying in Koh Tao an extra night and would meet up with us the following day.

I checked into the lovely Sunflower Place and would head to the airport to greet Amina the following day.

I hadn't seen her since my departure in July and to say I was excited to see her would be an understatement.

When we did finally find each other at the airport, it was like we'd never been apart. We hailed a cab to central Bangkok. She couldn't get over how much Bangkok reminded her of her adolescence when she lived in Jakarta and Kuala Lumpur.

Without wasting much time, we headed to Wat Phra Kaew and the Grand Palace. Even though I had already been there with Bryan and Rich, I think I was still more excited to revisit the beautiful architecture and spiritual marvels than Amina!

I spent even more time admiring these beautiful structures and in the company of Amina, I could not have been happier.

After our afternoon at the palace and temple, we visited Wat Pho: another temple housing an immense reclining Buddha.

This impressive yet lethargic Buddha measures 46m in length and 15m in height and is covered in gold leaf. Even his feet are inlayed with mother-of-pearl ornamentation.

Upon our return to Silom, Josh had already arrived in Bangkok, and the three of us went out for dinner and headed to our favorite stomping ground: Khao San Road!

(Photo Credit: Amina Qureshi)

After too many buckets and shisha with Kumar and company; and trying to beat a dick-bag Asian pool shark; we called it a night, but not before Amina was forced to buy an embarrassing bracelet reading "Lick my Discharge".

(Photo Credit: Amina Qureshi)

Good times!

The following day, we visited the MBK center for lunch. MBK is essentially a mall on steroids, selling a ridiculously large variety of everything, ranging from luxury items to blatant knockoffs.

Not only are there department stores, but innumerable, hastily put-together shops selling everything and anything imaginable. The t-shirt/singlet section is particularly hilarious with graphics ranging from famous rappers to Hitler lying naked on a beach.

The piece de la resistance, however, is MBK's food court, comprising hundreds of mouthwatering options at extremely low prices.

That evening we decided to change things up and went to Soi Cowboy instead of the usual Khao San road.

Soi Cowboy is another heavily neon-lit street encompassing countless Gogo bars, hundreds of Thai women and ladyboys trying to get you into their clubs, bars and panties; with an equally large contingent of white guys hoping to get lucky with their charm or more likely with their wallets.

(Photo Credit: Amina Qureshi)

We settled on one place that looked the least like a brothel and had a decent pool table. Amina and Josh kept trash-talking as to who was the better pool player, but regardless who won, the other blamed the cue, the table or any other conceivable factor that was apparently out of their control.

The following day I had decided to do a walking tour around Bangkok suggested by Lonely Planet. I figured it would be a great way to see the city and would be good exercise to counteract all the partying. Obviously Josh didn't want to go, so I would get to drag Amina along.

Our first stop was Wat Arun, whose 82m prang (Khmer-style tower) started in the early 19th century by Rama II, proved to be incredibly impressive.

The floral mosaics covering much of this beautiful structure were made from discarded porcelain from Chinese ships.

Amina and I took our time climbing up this wonderful shrine and admiring the panoramic views from the top.

We then crossed the Mae Nam Chao Phraya and made our way to Trok Tha Wang: a narrow alleyway neighborhood of Bangkok seemingly floating on the banks of the river.

From there it was only a few minutes walk to the amulet market where vendors sell bizarre religious nick-knacks and highly valued amulets.

After this point, the sights really diminished in appeal and interest. We first had to traverse Bangkok's royal field or Sanam Luang, which then led us to the unimpressive and inaccurately described Thai "Champs Élysées" or Th Ratchadamnoen Klang. It resembled pretty much any other major Bangkok roadway.

We then passed both the October 14 memorial and Democracy Monument, but both left much to be desired.

We should have stopped there, but we ended up walking for another few hours before finally reaching our starting point.

We did, however, finish the second craptastic part of our walking tour at a relatively nice temple that I wasn't able to find the name of, but we were both quite pleased it was over.

That night we returned to Khao San and were joined by Josh, and Amina's best friend from her time at the University of British Columbia, Elena, who was visiting Thailand for a few weeks with her boyfriend Remi.

(Photo Credit: Amina Qureshi)

After some copious drinking there, we went back to Soi cowboy to continue the party and determine pool superiority between Amina and Josh.

The next day it was already time to bid adieu to Bangkok. Josh would be prolonging his stay to welcome his friend Yemina to Thailand, and Amina and I would be heading north to Chiang Mai to visit the cultural capital of Thailand, have some animal encounters and to party it up for Amina's birthday with Elena and Remi.

Happy Holidays coming up!