Vic Falls, Free Falls and the Missing Millions

July 1st-5th


After a glorious night of drinking in the Joburg airport, we awoke with an enthusiasm that could have only come from sleeping on metal benches.

Alas, it was time to say our goodbyes. To Aisha, our battle-scarred Renault Koleos, who we eagerly gave back the day before; and to Dan and Dora, who needed to return to Canada to resume their normal lives.After our goodbyes, we said farewell to South Africa, jumping on an early flight to Livingstone, Zambia.

Livingstone itself is not a touristic draw, however, its proximity to the mighty Victoria Falls makes it the ideal place for a home base.

The Victoria Falls are nestled in between Zambia and Zimbabwe and flow into the Zambezi river. The rushing falls, dramatic cliffs and swirling mist make the falls a spectacular sight and also an ideal location for some death-defying activities.The first near impossible tasks we attempted were to withdraw money and survive Canada Day. Unfortunately, I failed at both.

Zambia uses a hyper-inflated currency called the Kwatcha. Buying lunch will cost you between 15-16 thousand Kwatchas. It is the first and probably only time in my life that I will have the opportunity to withdraw 1.5 million.

Now here is where the problem arose: having 1.5 million on you and it being Canada Day obviously leads to some unfortunate circumstances, or at least it does if you name is James Michael Schuster.

After much partying and imbibing, I checked my wallet the following morning and found that all my money was either missing or had been taken. It turned out that the night before I had passed out on a glorious mound of pillows for several hours and later stumbled back to my room for the rest of the night.

Potential theft aside, I am fortunate that my passport, credit card and all other valuables which were also in the same pocket were thankfully still intact.Because I had already paid for the hostel, food and some other items, I calculated I probably lost around 725,000 Kwatchas, or roughly 150$ Canadian.

I was obviously upset, so I decided to do what any other person would have done after losing nearly a million: I decided to jump off a bridge.No not in a life-ending manner, but in the form of the world's 3rd highest bungee-jump!

Although I had told myself that after jumping out of a gondola in the Swiss Alps 4 years prior I could cross bungee-jumping off my bucket list, but the prospect of a morale and adrenaline boost far outweighed the fear of possible death that comes with bungee-jumping.

Chris O. and I signed our names and the indemnity forms and within 30 minutes I was standing on the bridge between Zambia and Zimbabwe with an over-sized elastic band fastened around my ankles. As I hopped to the ledge, 111m over the Zambezi river, I probably said "Oh My God" around 50 times.
I was instructed to assume the Christ-the-Redeemer pose and take my leap of faith. I had found Jesus, because I had jumped off a bridge and 30 seconds later I was still alive. I was then lifted back onto the bridge by an African angel tethered to the bridge.

To be honest, I was happy to touch solid ground again, and decided to celebrate by jumping off a second time!

This time we did what was called a gorge-swing. There are some not-so-subtle differences between bungee-jumping and the swing.

While you jump off the same platform, the swing is even more terrifying for several reasons: the first being that with bungee jumping you decelerate as you descend, whereas with the swing you actually accelerate when the rope is taut at the bottom position. A second difference is that normally bungee-jumping is like a graceful dive off an excessively high diving board, whereas the swing you are actually free-falling for 4 seconds, looking up at the sky, reliving every nightmare you have ever had where you are falling to your death. The fear is far greater but so is the reward: the adrenaline high that comes with it!

Chris and I actually did it in tandem so we could share the moment together, console each other and could avoid justifying the fact that we were jumping off the bridge for a second time.

In the days that followed, we turned it down a notch and just went white-river rafting on the Zambezi river.

The scariest moment during our entire stay in Zambia was when I fell out of the raft on the first, yes I said first, rapid of the day and thought I would drown because I stayed underwater for an uncomfortably long time.

Luckily I left Zambia in one piece and I must retract a statement I made in a previous post: Namibia is not the extreme sports capital of southern Africa, Zambia is,there is no doubt in my mind!

His Majesty Mr. T

June 25-28

After the driving fiasco to and from Joburg, we were pleased to escape the shackles of urban life and driving. Swaziland, the north-eastern, land-locked kingdom within South Africa, provided us with such refuge.

After fixing our flat tire we were welcomed to our hostel by Cambridge PhDs. They were already quite far in their cups and were having an incredibly animated dance party. We quickly joined in due to the euphoria we felt when we finally reached our mountainous destination. We were armed only with a magnum of the delicious Four Cousins wine. Not nearly enough, but we did well with what we had.

The resulting dance party was a climax of energy and cultures: we had an Argentinian, a Slovenian, two Greeks, a French woman, a Columbian and we four Canadians. The dance-off culminated in a dance-circle centered by our Swazi security guard, who danced better than any man having 4 or less teeth.

We had gone to Swaziland to decompress: most activities were rather domestic in nature and we often reveled in our lack of productivity.This was, however, the first country we visited which provided us with a glimpse of the Africa we had all expected. We visited and received a guided tour of a traditional Swazi village, sat by a waterfall and then observed a traditional Swazi dance.

The aforementioned spectacle was splattered with colour, singing, storytelling and drumming. We were encouraged to join in and the Chris' and I quickly jumped at the opportunity.


We danced like most whites would among Africans: very poorly. We had dance battles, high-kick competitions and just had an amazing time.

The other activity we did was adventure caving: crawling 90m beneath the earth in pitch-black caves, littered with thousands of tiny bats; armed only with a jumpsuit, hardhat and a head-lamp. To top it off, we spent quite some time lounging in some hot-springs.

Swaziland, one of the few remaining kingdoms in Africa, is ruled by King Mswati III, who is also husband to 13 or 14 wives. Coincidentally enough, his face is found on souvenir T-shirts all over the country and at a quick glance he kind of looks like Mr. T, or at least according to Chris Ong Tone.

We felt completely welcomed and refreshed to spend the time we did in Mbabane, the Ezulwini valley and in Swaziland as a whole. The culture and the food (thanks Dolores for those two magnificent feasts!) were beyond compare.

If anyone makes the trek to southern Africa, I pity the fool who doesn't visit Swaziland!

Road Rage James, the fall of Aisha and the not so Beautiful Game

June 24-25


Although Italy and the World Cup were the catalyst for us to come to Africa, the Azzurri proved to be the most forgettable part of the trip.

With poor officiating, mediocre performances and draws galore, group F lived up to its letter.


The defending champs could only be commended for their last desperate efforts to avoid being eliminated by Slovakia ( almost scoring 2 goals in a span of a few minutes), and their impeccable acting skills.

I just feel bad for Dan, who had never given up hope for his beloved team, only to be smacked in the face by trivial teams like Paraguay, New Zealand and Slovakia.


There were several high points: because of the three-quarter capacity crowds, we could sneak down at half-time and sit right next to the pitch. Also, the atmosphere and architecture of the stadiums was second to none. On a side note, the vuvuzelas are only half as annoying as the appear on TV.

What is unbelievably annoying, however, is driving in the host cities. Although the reception and hospitality of the South African people has been tremendous, no one seems to know anything in terms of directions, streets or major landmarks. We have wasted several hours driving around in circles, being mislead and miss-directed time and time again.

On our trip to and from Johannesburg, we had to bribe a traffic cop with food in order to give us a warning after failing to pull-over (they just kind of wave at you) for speeding (which for the record is how everyone drives over here).

This first incident, along with the apparent incompetence of everyone in Joburg, led to the following incident.

Not only do I not like driving in big cities when I don't know where I'm going, but we had been refused entry into several parking lots and I had pulled more U-turns than I think I ever had in my entire life: to put it lightly, I was pissed.

The last straw came when a parking attendant told me to pull another U-turn so he could let us park in his lot, thankfully without a neccessary permit. I pulled the turn too wide and was now blocking 2 lanes of oncoming traffic. Cars started honking and then I lost it.

I screamed FUCK YOU at the top of my lungs and proceeded to back up into the side of a honking bus, completely obliterating Aisha's right tail-light. Thankfully; no one was injured: just a tarnish to my driving confidence and Aisha's appearance.

The final nails in the coffin soon followed. Dan took over the driving and almost immediately got us into a secnd accident; looking the wrong way while making a wide right turn. Later that same day, Chris M. drifted too far left on the road and blew up our front left tire, requiring us to change our tire in pitch darkness on a hill in Swaziland.

So as you can see, driving on the left-hand-side really sucks!

Lions and Zebras and Rhinos, Oh My!

June 18-23


Kruger National Park, South Africa's largest and most famous National Park boasts over 147 mammal species, including the big five: the African Elephant, the Leopard, the Lion, the White Rhino and the Water Buffalo.


Out of the big five, only the Leopard eluded us. Dan, Dora and Chris M. were fortunate enough to see 3 of the 225 Cheetahs in the National Park. This is no small feat considering the park is as large as Israel.

We stayed at Skakusa rest camp for 6 glorious nights, taking full advantage of the time we had there: we passed our days doing self-drives over the innumerable paved and gravel roads, doing bush walks and taking sunset drives.

My personal highlights, in no particular order, were:

- Tracking rhinos in the bush.- Having a male elephant blocking the road, protecting his family from the gawking tourists inching closer in their cars.


- Playing golf and having hippos in the water hazards and warthogs on the greens.

- Nightly visits from a male and female hyena who we cleverly named Henry and Henrietta.

- Giraffes and zebras sharing the same watering-hole in a postcard worthy moment (as seen in
the introductory photograph above).

- The ultimate treat was witnessing a pride of 5 lions walking inches from our vehicle at sunset
on our final evening.


It was incredible to witness the animals in their natural habitat and it was remarkable to see the sheer size of these elegant beasts. We were extremely fortunate to see everything (except the stupid leopard), despite the fact that animal sightings are solely by chance and no one forces the animals to be in view.

There is not much more I can say about this wonderful experience, because the memories and visual images from Kruger are far more beautiful than I can ever express in words.